Anxiety

I am an idiot having fun about to hyperventilate into a paper bag

Things have been super craptastic for awhile and I; have of course been stressed out of what's left of my mind, (not much left up there).  When I get extremely stressed out; I mentally check out. Sometimes writing helps me feel better and sometimes I am completely incapable of writing or thinking or functioning. I do apologize for my lack of blog lately. I have been gathering fun things to write about, but not feeling fun enough to share with you all.

This is pretty accurate

Today I am having a  
MASSIVE ANXIETY ATTACK and I am trying to trick my brain into being calm by writing these words. I drank extra coffee today; by extra I mean 4 shots of espresso after 4pm. I have cut my caffeine intake to a cup around noon and no shots - today I had a brilliant idea brain lapse and now I feel like curling up into the fetal position and throwing up.

 



 

I doubt I would be in the fetal position crying if I could do this. 
Oh Google, your image search never ceases to amuse me

I went for a walk, and now my left arm & hand are numb and I'm still very nauseous, nervous & dizzy. This is going to be a seriously fun night. What do people do in situations like this? What do you take to calm yourself down... I'm doing a lot of deep breathing and that's really just making me more lightheaded than calm. 


Last ditch effort is going to be some food as I haven't had any in hours...

I am almost this insane...

 
So yeah, that's how I spent Thursday night. Food did help, but only slightly. I did spend most of the weekend like the monkey in the fetal position. All this stress is taking it's toll on me, so if you hear or see me laughing it's not because I'm happy; it's from sheer insanity. This may be the week that I drive-thru the tavern in the square...

 
I will share all my other insanely funny stories soon... I just need to get over this hurdle and then I can be amused with my ridiculous life.


Splendid then...

I know how I'm going to die...

Since I have given up all my "stress relievers"; most recent one being cigarettes, (year on July 9), I have been handling stress with a gracefulness and ease my bowels. 

What's that you say?

I no longer have the proper "tools" to handle all the stress that is being hurled at me from many directions, just writing this is stressing me out. Once I gave up the last of my habits, (I still want to smoke BTW), I have been slowly and surely making myself sick; which is pretty funny considering I have been working so hard on improving my health and body with eating well and exercise and quitting all those damned fun bad habits, that may or may not have killed me,

We'll never know now will we?!

Ah yup

What I do know is that I'm in a giant shit storm, (literally and figuratively speaking), and all of it is about to hit that fan. No, not that one, the one to your left!







What all of this boils down to is that because I haven't a clue how to deal with my stress in a healthy fashion, I have hurt my body and now have IBS, (Irritable Bowel Syndrome), which is painful and STUPID.

Click here to find out all the fun facts re: IBS

I think it just surpassed furious, help me!

The worst part about it is I had to give up my life blood, my daily habit, one of my few reasons left to live:  

I HAD TO GIVE UP MY COFFEE!  

Those of you that know me well, know I'm almost suicidal over this; it's almost as bad as having to give up my chocolate, (I will jump in front of an 18 wheeler), let's not even go there, I'm scared.

This alone, stresses me out more. I don't have many pleasures in my simple life. The ones that I do have, I treasure and enjoy thoroughly. These last few days without coffee have left me as irritable as my bowel. 

I don't know how or when I will come up with a good solution for dealing with all the BS. I do know that I am incapable of meditating; I just don't have it in me to sit there in quiet and calm and "zone out". It feels like a ridiculous waste of time for me. If it works for any of you that's fantastic, I'm just not a meditater. For me meditation time equals sleep and I have to take a pill to achieve that state of unconsciousness.

Ummmm, you are an idiot

 


So don't be deceived my calm, cool and collected appearance, for inside I'm bubbling over with INSANITY.

Splendid then...