My body is rejecting me

My cat would NEVER allow this!!

I'm not sure that I should be writing at all today as I am in one foul mood, (not to be confused with a fowl mood; I'm pretty sick of eating dead bird, but I continue to do so night after night).

I haven't blogged since my IBS diagnosis; if you missed it click here I know how I'm going to die

reason being is that I have been miserable, stressed out, and I came down with the  




DREADED SUMMER FLU.

Uh. That's not how I was infected!

I had aches, pains, fever and a horrible dry, hacking, cough. The coughing fits were what finally drove me to make an appointment with my doctor. 

I. Coughed. Up. Blood. 

I don't know what this guy is doing but I don't think he's coughing!

For the first time in my life, (I was a smoker for 27 years, never a drop of blood did I hack up), at least that I was fully aware of.


Of course, I was completely cured by Friday things took a turn for the worse right at the start of the long holiday weekend. So I had to hold out til Tuesday; or until I coughed up more blood or my fever went higher - whichever came first really. 

Tuesday came first and I did not have pneumonia or lung cancer, (although they really didn't test for that, I will have to talk to him about that), I had a bronchial infection. 

I shudder to think what she did to get the tampon to come out of her nose

I have been on antibiotics for the last four days and last night more blood made an appearance; this time it was coming from my nose! I'm no stranger to the bloody nose, but still I always feel like everyone is thinking "she must be doing a lot of cocaine"

 

Now we know what was under that bandanna!

Every time I get a bloody nose, (it's not often, I SWEAR!), my thought process ends up in the same place i did cocaine it must be a brain hemorrhage! I'm not a hypochondriac, but I do panic when I bleed my own blood!

 

Between the IBS, the bronchitis, and bleeding my own blood from stupid places my stress level is reaching epic heights. I'm almost ready to make someone else bleed.

Splendid then...

I know how I'm going to die...

Since I have given up all my "stress relievers"; most recent one being cigarettes, (year on July 9), I have been handling stress with a gracefulness and ease my bowels. 

What's that you say?

I no longer have the proper "tools" to handle all the stress that is being hurled at me from many directions, just writing this is stressing me out. Once I gave up the last of my habits, (I still want to smoke BTW), I have been slowly and surely making myself sick; which is pretty funny considering I have been working so hard on improving my health and body with eating well and exercise and quitting all those damned fun bad habits, that may or may not have killed me,

We'll never know now will we?!

Ah yup

What I do know is that I'm in a giant shit storm, (literally and figuratively speaking), and all of it is about to hit that fan. No, not that one, the one to your left!







What all of this boils down to is that because I haven't a clue how to deal with my stress in a healthy fashion, I have hurt my body and now have IBS, (Irritable Bowel Syndrome), which is painful and STUPID.

Click here to find out all the fun facts re: IBS

I think it just surpassed furious, help me!

The worst part about it is I had to give up my life blood, my daily habit, one of my few reasons left to live:  

I HAD TO GIVE UP MY COFFEE!  

Those of you that know me well, know I'm almost suicidal over this; it's almost as bad as having to give up my chocolate, (I will jump in front of an 18 wheeler), let's not even go there, I'm scared.

This alone, stresses me out more. I don't have many pleasures in my simple life. The ones that I do have, I treasure and enjoy thoroughly. These last few days without coffee have left me as irritable as my bowel. 

I don't know how or when I will come up with a good solution for dealing with all the BS. I do know that I am incapable of meditating; I just don't have it in me to sit there in quiet and calm and "zone out". It feels like a ridiculous waste of time for me. If it works for any of you that's fantastic, I'm just not a meditater. For me meditation time equals sleep and I have to take a pill to achieve that state of unconsciousness.

Ummmm, you are an idiot

 


So don't be deceived my calm, cool and collected appearance, for inside I'm bubbling over with INSANITY.

Splendid then...