Tuesday, June 21, 2011

I know how I'm going to die...

Since I have given up all my "stress relievers"; most recent one being cigarettes, (year on July 9), I have been handling stress with a gracefulness and ease my bowels. 

What's that you say?

I no longer have the proper "tools" to handle all the stress that is being hurled at me from many directions, just writing this is stressing me out. Once I gave up the last of my habits, (I still want to smoke BTW), I have been slowly and surely making myself sick; which is pretty funny considering I have been working so hard on improving my health and body with eating well and exercise and quitting all those damned fun bad habits, that may or may not have killed me,

We'll never know now will we?!

Ah yup

What I do know is that I'm in a giant shit storm, (literally and figuratively speaking), and all of it is about to hit that fan. No, not that one, the one to your left!

What all of this boils down to is that because I haven't a clue how to deal with my stress in a healthy fashion, I have hurt my body and now have IBS, (Irritable Bowel Syndrome), which is painful and STUPID.

Click here to find out all the fun facts re: IBS

I think it just surpassed furious, help me!

The worst part about it is I had to give up my life blood, my daily habit, one of my few reasons left to live:  


Those of you that know me well, know I'm almost suicidal over this; it's almost as bad as having to give up my chocolate, (I will jump in front of an 18 wheeler), let's not even go there, I'm scared.

This alone, stresses me out more. I don't have many pleasures in my simple life. The ones that I do have, I treasure and enjoy thoroughly. These last few days without coffee have left me as irritable as my bowel. 

I don't know how or when I will come up with a good solution for dealing with all the BS. I do know that I am incapable of meditating; I just don't have it in me to sit there in quiet and calm and "zone out". It feels like a ridiculous waste of time for me. If it works for any of you that's fantastic, I'm just not a meditater. For me meditation time equals sleep and I have to take a pill to achieve that state of unconsciousness.

Ummmm, you are an idiot


So don't be deceived my calm, cool and collected appearance, for inside I'm bubbling over with INSANITY.

Splendid then...

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

This is why I haven't been writing

I'm getting "scowl" wrinkles, it's not cool.

I'm behind and I know it.  

I'm behind on everything; bills, taxes, the times, and writing... I have been making notes of things to write about, notes that say things like; bird almost flew into face, can you blow me where the pampers is, uti university 

Problem is I have been really down and have been struggling to find any humor in anything. Sad, I know. 

OK, this amuses me slightly.

People stop me and tell me I've got great form when i walk!
As you all know I've been going to physical therapy for my back issues constant source of pain. I've been walking limping along, (hmm, that's got a nice ring to it. Should have named my blog limping along instead of swimming upstream), three to four miles a day, almost every day for the last couple of months. The last couple of weeks I have been noticing that my left foot is losing all feeling when I'm on these "walks". Thank you bulging discs, this has been a fun eight years, I can only hope we can be like this forever!

This is stubborn? Are her brains about to leak out of her head?

I was so certain that when the weather finally warmed up a bit, my pain would lighten up as well. WRONG!! If you know me, then you know how much I hate to be wrong or admit to being wrong. I am stupidly stubborn that way, emphasis on stupid.

Where was I? 

Ah, yes, in pain, as usual. My therapist recommended that I get a cortisone injection, In. My. Spine.
This is fun!
Let me tell you I've had a Spinal Tap when I was a child. My parents thought I had Spinal Meningitis as I had a horrible fever after playing with a dead mole. Wait, what? Why did I play with dead animals? I was a strange kid, that grew up to be became a strange adult. We'll touch on that subject at a later date. Needles in my spine, I recall being horribly traumatized, although I'm sure my age and my high fever contributed to the trauma. So all that aside, Sign. Me. Up!

Fast forward to yesterday; and my appointment to voluntarily have a needle full of steroids placed gently jabbed in my spine, to relieve my pain. I think playing with dead animals, had a lingering damaging effect on my brain.

Nice buns!

On the plus side, i had to get up very early and I barely had any sleep. I can deal with being cut-up and stabbed better when I'm sleepy. That being said, I definitely felt the needle go into my spine and REALLY felt the injection. And guess what? I get to do all over again in two weeks! SURPRISE! 

I am still in pain, but they say it takes about four days to get into your system and I may not feel any better for a couple of weeks. HA! Of course I won't feel better for a couple of weeks, that's when the next injection is scheduled!

If this doesn't work, Plan C will be implemented and of course involve more needles! 

Plan A - Ignore problem = FAIL
Plan B - Get steroids injected into spine - the jury is out on this one
Plan C - Acupuncture
Plan D - Drive into a train!

Wish me luck everyone!

Splendid then...