Sunday, July 31, 2011


I am an idiot having fun about to hyperventilate into a paper bag

Things have been super craptastic for awhile and I; have of course been stressed out of what's left of my mind, (not much left up there).  When I get extremely stressed out; I mentally check out. Sometimes writing helps me feel better and sometimes I am completely incapable of writing or thinking or functioning. I do apologize for my lack of blog lately. I have been gathering fun things to write about, but not feeling fun enough to share with you all.

This is pretty accurate

Today I am having a  
MASSIVE ANXIETY ATTACK and I am trying to trick my brain into being calm by writing these words. I drank extra coffee today; by extra I mean 4 shots of espresso after 4pm. I have cut my caffeine intake to a cup around noon and no shots - today I had a brilliant idea brain lapse and now I feel like curling up into the fetal position and throwing up.



I doubt I would be in the fetal position crying if I could do this. 
Oh Google, your image search never ceases to amuse me
I went for a walk, and now my left arm & hand are numb and I'm still very nauseous, nervous & dizzy. This is going to be a seriously fun night. What do people do in situations like this? What do you take to calm yourself down... I'm doing a lot of deep breathing and that's really just making me more lightheaded than calm. 

Last ditch effort is going to be some food as I haven't had any in hours...

I am almost this insane...
So yeah, that's how I spent Thursday night. Food did help, but only slightly. I did spend most of the weekend like the monkey in the fetal position. All this stress is taking it's toll on me, so if you hear or see me laughing it's not because I'm happy; it's from sheer insanity. This may be the week that I drive-thru the tavern in the square...

I will share all my other insanely funny stories soon... I just need to get over this hurdle and then I can be amused with my ridiculous life.

Splendid then...

Friday, July 8, 2011

My body is rejecting me

My cat would NEVER allow this!!
I'm not sure that I should be writing at all today as I am in one foul mood, (not to be confused with a fowl mood; I'm pretty sick of eating dead bird, but I continue to do so night after night).

I haven't blogged since my IBS diagnosis; if you missed it click here I know how I'm going to die

reason being is that I have been miserable, stressed out, and I came down with the  


Uh. That's not how I was infected!

I had aches, pains, fever and a horrible dry, hacking, cough. The coughing fits were what finally drove me to make an appointment with my doctor. 

I. Coughed. Up. Blood
I don't know what this guy is doing but I don't think he's coughing!

For the first time in my life, (I was a smoker for 27 years, never a drop of blood did I hack up), at least that I was fully aware of.

Of course, I was completely cured by Friday things took a turn for the worse right at the start of the long holiday weekend. So I had to hold out til Tuesday; or until I coughed up more blood or my fever went higher - whichever came first really. 

Tuesday came first and I did not have pneumonia or lung cancer, (although they really didn't test for that, I will have to talk to him about that), I had a bronchial infection. 

I shudder to think what she did to get the tampon to come out of her nose

I have been on antibiotics for the last four days and last night more blood made an appearance; this time it was coming from my nose! I'm no stranger to the bloody nose, but still I always feel like everyone is thinking "she must be doing a lot of cocaine"


Now we know what was under that bandanna!
Every time I get a bloody nose, (it's not often, I SWEAR!), my thought process ends up in the same place i did cocaine it must be a brain hemorrhage! I'm not a hypochondriac, but I do panic when I bleed my own blood!


Between the IBS, the bronchitis, and bleeding my own blood from stupid places my stress level is reaching epic heights. I'm almost ready to make someone else bleed.

Splendid then...