Wednesday, May 18, 2011

How I spent my last day of being 41...

It happened. I'm inching closer and closer toward my AARP membership; I turned 42 yesterday. To make myself feel better, I've been telling everyone that I am 24, I've been weeping quietly under the covers.

Blissfully awaiting the arrival of my AARP card!

Sunday, my last day of my pseudo-youth was quite an extravagant forgettable day. I spent the first half cleaning my kitchen and bathroom and fighting with the hub because our douche of a neighbor approached him with a hammer, yes a fucking hammer; and complained that I've been turning on the hallway light at night when I come home and he's paying for the electricity. 

My neighbor was clearly traumatized by Lester Light bulb

I'm sorry...WHAT?!! How rude of me to not want to come home alone, in total darkness. The switch that I'm using to turn on the light is in fact downstairs. I am paying for the god damned electricity, on that PIG of a low watt energy saver bulb... give me a fucking break! This is the same guy, that has parked me in all winter, without once thinking he is inconveniencing me in any way at all. Yeah, I love having to knock on your door daily, and then wait 5-10 minutes for you to come out and move your truck, THANKS!

Candy has been hittin' that pipe pretty hard!
Most recently, he and his delightful trashy girlfriend Candy,  and their adorable crappy baby have moved from their apartment on the other side of the house, to the one above me. I should play the lottery. She spends from about 4am to 11pm stomping back and forth above me like she's going to come crashing through the ceiling. Where the fuck is she going? Is she smoking crack all day and pacing the halls? I'm seriously seconds away from the FINAL SNAP and I can't be held responsible for my actions.

Anyway, I got distracted by my major annoyance of a neighbor. Getting back to my exciting lackluster last day of being 41.

Where Candy scores her crack

I decided it would be a great idea to get Mexican for dinner. Yes, I wanted to end the year with a bang, or some sort of explosion! So my friend took me to a a taco joint in Lynn. 
(Lynn, Lynn, city of sin, you don't come out the way you went in! Especially if you eat a burrito with re fried beans!) 

I ordered a burrito and she ordered a quesadilla; we both ended up with burritos.

This would have been a wiser meal choice

That thing stayed with me for the rest of the night and most of my birthday. What a painful and stupid last meal. 

My friend did give me the bestest gift ever; a Panda bear ring! 

Magical Panda ring!
I love Pandas and will someday invest in a SUPER AWESOME Panda costume that I will wear randomly while out and about in the city!
RAWR!! More Bamboo Please!

To finish off such an eventful day/evening, we sat in my truck while it poured outside. Why? Good question! I had to bring my laptop outside as my T-mobile suck stick web stick, doesn't work so great indoors. Why did I need to go online when I had company at the house? We had a brilliant idea that I should join Twitter and spend the last five hours of my 41st year trying to connect to the site and picking a user name that wasn't taken. 

My first tweet: unimpressed

My second tweet at the ripe old age of 42, had taken me six hours and counting... I may very well get my AARP card before this tweet posts!

I may be getting older, but I'm quite doubtful that I'm getting wiser.

Splendid then...



Monday, May 2, 2011

It's fun to race SPAM!

There is definitely an echo!
I've been slacking on this whole "writing" thing lately. I'm sure I have plenty of things to tell you all about, but walking everyday appears to have a "dumbing" effect on my mind. Yes folks, exercise is making me stupid and empty inside!

So, instead of attempting to blather on like the idiot that I have become; I am going to give you a link to something fun.

Every Easter for the past six years, we have been racing SPAM at the restaurant. We call it The Spamwood Derby and as strange as it may sound, it is so much fun!

The idea was born late night at Denny's, (aren't all the best ideas born here?), after my friends band Joe Cocker Manifesto played at our bar. My friend Jon, dressed in drag in this band, and was still mostly in his female attire at Denny's that night; just to give you all an idea of what our group looked like, drunk and strange!

They had a song in their repertoire called Meat Fort, and had "given birth" to a meat baby on stage once. So we got to talking about their next gig, which would fall on Easter Sunday and what stupid thing could we do with meat and The Spamwood Derby was born! 

I'm putting some pictures up from last year and the year before and a link to some video footage of this years race.


Splendid then...

1st, 2nd & 3rd place from 2009

Spam bunny died!

Spam mobiles from 2009

1st, 2nd & 3rd place winners 2010

This years event flier!

Spamwood Derby!