Wednesday, April 20, 2011

It's Hitlers birthday and Nazional Grid is celebrating....

I'm a bit ticked off today. By "a bit" I mean that I might spontaneously com bust with pure RAGE!

You don't want to piss me off!

I was heading into the restaurant a bit early, as I had some things to take care of before we opened. Upon arrival I was told by the print shop guy next door that the Nazis, (this is how i will be referring to National Grid throughout this blog), had been here with the police and a locksmith earlier in the day.

"Are you fucking kidding me?"

Then I'm informed that they couldn't get in. So i put my key in the lock and am now covered in graphite and the key won't turn. 

This is when the rage starts to filter in.

Greedy Nazis
We just paid a shit ton of money to the Nazis at the end of March and made a bunch of payment agreements to ensure that we would not be on the shut-off list. Of course, we can't get inside to gather any of this information. So we call and get put on hold and transferred about 253 times and can't get an answer as to why this was done and whom the fuck is going to send someone out and fix our lock.

In the meantime, I'm sticking my arm through the mail slot on the front door and trying to grab the stick that's lodged in the push bar, so that I can open the door by pushing on the bar. My wrist is going to be very sore and bruised tomorrow. 

He beat it by eating anorexic people!
My rage is just about hitting the explosive stage. This fat fuck of a local waste of life woman in her "hover round" is riding by at this moment and thinks she's a God damn comedienne and she starts yelling "Stop! No breaking & entering"! At which point, I turn and give her the nastiest look and tell her to shut the fuck up in unison with the husband. She muttered a bunch of swears and rolled away.

Rage is almost explosive.

Then the hub starts yelling at me while simultaneously yelling at the Nazis on the phone, telling me to yank the stick out of the door, not understanding that I can't touch it with anything more than one finger and I'm in some serious pain wedged inside of this mail slot. This is where I lose it and start screaming a slew of obscenities, loud enough for half of the damned city to hear me. 
I caught some onlookers from the lot across the street and I screamed a whole bunch of swears at them. Hey, I like to include everyone when I snap.

Vee ist here to turn off your gas! Ya vul!
 Who knew that one day the Nazis would be turning off the gas!

Now I'm full on crying, 'cause for some reason when I become fully enraged, it always ends up wet. Fanfuckingtastic! This is exactly how I wanted to start my day!

By this time our bartender arrives and she has long skinny arms, so she gives it a go and moves the stick a bit, but nothing. Then a regular shows up and he gets it to move even more, but still nothing. So we call a guy that we refer to as Hitler, that helps us out with the cleaning, and he came by with pry-bar and we finally got the damned door open!

I immediately find the Nazi bill and see that we have until April 28th to pay. Hmmm, that's eight days from now according to every calendar in the land. So, we call yet again and have now been waiting for over an hour to receive a call from Hitler himself "The Supervisor". Ten more minutes and we are calling back.

I had planned on blogging about my physical therapy and walking adventures, damned Nazis, always ruining everything!

I'm going to go walk this off and get some retail therapy at the same time.

Happy birthday Hitler you Fucking Douche!

Splendid then...

Saturday, April 9, 2011

I'm having a bit off a blockage...No, no, not that kind!

Everyday I stare at my computer screen and try to come up with something fabulous to tell you all about. Problem is, nothing much has been happening in my life lately. I'm fine with that as my stress level needs a break now and then.
Another successful day at the restaurant!

I'm sure this is just a calm moment before the tides turn again, but so far we are managing to stay afloat.

My life of excitement and partying came to a much needed end three years ago. Now I like to do things like grocery shop. late night drug store shopping, playing scrabble (on computer and in real life), and I have added walking to the list my physical therapist is making me walk an hour everyday.

Every word is a winner!
It's sort of a theme happening here...

See, I told you so!
 My favorite grocery store The cheapest grocery store is Market Basket - Their motto is: Market Basket, where you get mowah fowah yowah dollah! I feel accomplished after a trip to the Basket.

When I shop here I need to mentally prepare or else I will end up in the fetal position crying. 
Another successful trip to Market Basket!

The parking lot alone, is a battlefield. It doesn't matter what day or what time of day you go to this store; as it's ALWAYS busy. I used to wear my i pod when shopping here until I went late on a Sunday and as I was blissfully shopping, I was disrupted by an employee informing me that they were past closing time. The only time it's peaceful at Market Basket is when they are closed!

Yoda ~ Shopper of bargains is he...
I would advise one to go to the bathroom before shopping here, (in addition to mentally preparing), as the odor near the bathrooms smells like catfood, vomit, raw meat & SHAME! The clearance stuff is right next to the bathrooms and I've almost added to the smell of vomit on more than one occasion. On one of my more recent trips here, I discovered that they are making their own brand of potato chips and I couldn't help but laugh out loud when I saw them. 

Finally! A chip for the common idiot! Such a bargain!

I'm certain that stupid people everywhere are enjoying these preservative-free, crispy, delights and have no idea that Market Basket is insulting them. I wonder if I'm the only person that has noticed this treasure!

The secret is out. Market basket thinks we are all idiots! They may be right!

Splendid then...