Sunday, March 6, 2011

My cough drops tell me what to do...

I haven't felt like writing in a while. It's not due to laziness. I have been sick since Wednesday. I have been asleep most of the time, so not a lot of options to write when your eyes are closed. Anyway, yesterday I still felt horrible and was certain that I had strep throat, so I called a good friend, (good friends or family are the only ones that will help out in these instances), and asked if she would mind taking me to the ER after she got out of work.

What a way to spend a Saturday night! I am so exciting and on the cutting edge!

So we went to Beverly Hospital, as they have all my information. I wouldn't go to Salem unless I were unconscious and even then I would find a way to get out of there swiftly. I haven't given up on this life yet, so I chose to live and be treated in Beverly. 

Wow, they have really changed the waiting room! I remember when it looked very similar to a bus station; and now, it's nicer than my living room. I mean, they could use some comfy couches and a recliner or two, but damn, great job!

So I get in right away, or so I think (they now treat you in phases, so you can't leave), and I talk to the male nurse and tell him my throat is really sore and feels swollen and my sinuses are going to explode. He looks at my throat with the little flashlight and says;

"Oh yeah, your uvula is huge!" "No wonder you're having a hard time swallowing"

* blink 

Mine's bigger!
Then he swabbed my giant uvula and I was sent back to the waiting room for eternity.

This is where I noticed that my cough drops are telling me what to do. I had ingested an entire bag this week, (I often eat these instead of food, delicious and nutritious),  and didn't pay attention to the wrappers, but when you're in the ER waiting room, you read everything. 

I looked at my friend and said;

"My cough drops are telling me what to do." 

She was all "what?"

"Look, it's telling me to keep my chin up and I've got it in me, and to high-five myself", which I did and looked and felt ridiculous in doing so.

The fuck! "A pep talk in every drop" 


When the hell did Halls get all positive and in my face! My throats sore and maybe I'm hungry, don't tell me what to do!

I was finally called into another room to see the doctor and get my results. My doctor was Dr. Katz and he wasn't a shaky cartoon. (Disappointed) 
He was nice and told me I did not have strep, it's viral and he gave me stuff to make my giant uvula less giant. He also gave me an antibiotic as it was looking like I would end up with a sinus infection.

So, yeah I'm going to "go elicit a few wows today" because "tough is my middle name" and it's "nothing I can't handle"

Fuck you cough drops, I'm going to watch tv, as it isn't going to watch itself.

Splendid then...

1 comment:

  1. OMG!! This is fucking hilarious, please keep writing.