Tuesday, March 1, 2011

I have a plan...it might involve poop

Since I last left you, (Apparently I ate everything this winter),
I had discovered that none of my jeans fit and my favorite jeans that I hadn't washed in a while many weeks, finally took a trip in the spin-go-round, (why can't I just say washing machine?), and they fit perfectly were extremely uncomfortable to SQUEEZE my newly GIGANTIC self into. 

Um, Google gave me this for run on sentence?

Wow, that was one LONG ASS sentence!  

So, since that tragic day, I have revised my diet plan stopped eating fistfuls of cheetos, pies, snicker bars, kit-kats (mmm...so good), meatloaf with bacon, wrapped in bacon, bacon, (that's gonna hurt), chips, cookies, popcorn, pop tarts, brownies & cake.  Whew, I think that covers the NO list!  What I have been eating this week is rice, chickpeas, fresh vegetables & fruit, fresh vegetable juice; oh, and the occasional bowl of cereal or oatmeal. So, I'm getting A LOT of fiber. I was eating a ton of vegetables and healthy fiber filled cereals while I was eating all the garbage so I don't know what I was thinking yesterday when I ate a Fiber One bar.  I didn't understand what this tasty treat was all about, until right about the time I arrived at my best friends house to get my hair done.
I wish it was a flower

My belly started distending immediately upon my arrival, which made my already tight jeans extremely tight and painful. We were on a time limit so I couldn't use her bathroom; plus I would be way too embarrassed, but clearly not embarrassed enough to share this with all of you;  I'm not sane, in case you forgot or haven't seen my in a while.  I could feel my stomach growing and between the stabbing pains from fiber and the jeans becoming tighter and tighter, and the back spasms from my crappy bad back, I was feeling awesome suicidal.

Six hours later, I looked absolutely fabulous! I felt like I was going to have a massive explosion and the button on my jeans was about to pop! Let's just say it was good feeling to go home and bond with my bathroom.

This is fairly accurate
So, I learned a few lessons yesterday: 

1) I don't need any addition fiber in my diet EVER!
2) I look great in red! 

I like that my hair now reflects my fiery spirit and rage filled heart!

Splendid then...

OK, here's what it looks like...


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